Midnight Zoomies Logistics is delighted to announce Same Night Delivery, the fastest and loudest service in our history. If your parcel has been entrusted to us before sunset, it will be moved, rearranged and finally deposited somewhere in your home before the sun comes up.
How it works
At around 3 AM, Sergeant Tumble experiences what we describe as a “dispatch event”. Her eyes widen, her tail puffs and she leaves the sofa at speed. The parcel is picked up in her mouth, in her paws or occasionally on her head, and is carried through the hallway at the maximum velocity a cat can attain without hitting a wall.
Service levels
We offer three tiers of Same Night Delivery:
- Standard: your parcel is moved to the next room and abandoned
- Express: your parcel is moved to the stairs and thrown down them
- Premium: your parcel is moved to a place of Tumble’s choosing, which is usually under the bed
What you can expect
Delivery windows are flexible. We guarantee delivery between midnight and dawn, with a high likelihood of delivery at exactly 3.07 AM. The courier will announce her arrival with a sustained yowl, which is included in the price.
Tracking
Customers can follow their parcel by listening. A sudden thud indicates the parcel has been picked up. A long scraping noise indicates it is in transit. A crash from the kitchen suggests that it has arrived, along with other items it was not carrying.
A note on handling
Our staff handle every parcel with care. Fragile items are carried gently and then dropped from a height of no more than a metre, which we regard as a courtesy. Heavy items are pushed. Very heavy items are looked at, and a decision is made in the morning.
Pricing
Same Night Delivery costs one small treat per parcel, payable on receipt, or in advance if the customer wishes to guarantee that Sergeant Tumble will not sit on the invoice.
In summary
If you need it there tonight, we can have it there tonight. It might not be where you wanted it. It will certainly be somewhere.
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