Why do you deliver at 3 AM?
Because that is when we are awake. At around 3 AM, a mysterious energy overtakes our couriers and they must run. We have attempted to schedule deliveries for the afternoon, but the couriers sleep through them.
Can I choose a different time?
You may choose any time you like, and we will note it. We will then deliver at 3 AM anyway. Your choice has been recorded in a folder, and the folder has been sat upon.
Will the delivery wake me up?
Almost certainly. Delivery is accompanied by a thump, a crash and a loud proud meow. If you are a light sleeper, we recommend earplugs. If you are a deep sleeper, we recommend a better alarm clock.
What if I am not home?
We still deliver. The parcel will be left inside your home, in a spot that we consider safe. We have a high success rate, and our only complaint is that people tend to lock the doors, which is inconvenient.
What can you carry?
- Small parcels: yes
- Medium parcels: with encouragement
- Large parcels: only if dragged
- Parcels containing treats: immediately and with enthusiasm
- Parcels containing a vase: please speak to our insurance team, who are asleep
What if my parcel is damaged?
Please inspect your parcel on arrival. If it is dented, scratched or bitten, report it to our customer team. They will look at the damage and say “That seems fine”.
Do you offer signed for delivery?
We offer paw signed delivery. The courier will place a single paw on the delivery note, leaving a faint print. This is accepted as proof in most places in the home.
Can I track my parcel?
Yes. Stand in the hallway at 3 AM and listen. If you can hear a thundering noise, your parcel is on its way.
Thank you for choosing Midnight Zoomies Logistics.
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